11:00am Saturday 20th June 2009
By Laura Kitching
REMEMBER
I’m scared of being forgotten
Remind my son of me,
Remind him how much we chuckled,
Of how much we giggled,
Of how much we laughed,
And of how much we roared.
THAT was the poem written by mum-of-one Jo Davies before she passed away from a brain tumour two years ago this month.
Now, on the weekend of Fathers’ Day, her husband Chris has shared his story about the challenge of bringing up their seven-year-old son Harvey without her.
Chris, of Broadlands Road, Weymouth, said: “Most kids wouldn’t have had as much time with their parents as Harvey but as Jo wasn’t able to work she spent most of her time with him through to the age of five.
"He talks about Jo all the time.”
Chris and Jo met at Dartingon College of Arts, Devon, when he was 22 and she was 18.
The rural college only had 400 students and although they did not have classes together they met in the bar and his first memory is seeing her laughing.
Chris said: “It took me ages to convince her to go out with me but I turned her around in the end.
"The first year of college started in 1992 and in March 1993 I finally convinced her that I was the one."
They married on August 20 1999 at Kingston Maurward, Dorchester, on a shoestring budget with Jo doing all the food, a marquee at Jo’s mum’s house and a family friend making the dress.
Chris said: "Jo looked amazing.
"For our honeymoon we went to the Lake District for a few days. It rained every day but we didn’t care.”
Harvey was born in July 2001 and almost two years later, on June 6 2003, Jo was diagnosed with a brain tumour.
After suffering from headaches and pins and needles in one arm, it was a trip to the optician that highlighted the problem.
Chris said: "This shattered our world, and changed the way we lived.
“Southampton and Poole hospitals became regular haunts, and Jo and I researched every possible way that she could help herself.
“In 2005, we had our first contact with what was to become the Weldmar Hospicecare Trust, when Jo began to attend Trimar Day Hospice on Greenhill, Weymouth on Monday and Fridays.
"This was a fantastic experience for her – she absolutely loved working with Susie in the art room, and later with Catherine Batten of Rosetta Life – and made several good friends.”
Catherine helped Jo to write a poem to express her feelings, which was entered into an international competition and later became central to a video Jo made with Catherine that was played at her funeral to around 300 people.
When Jo, who was a talented music teacher, could no longer play her flute it was at Trimar that she took up painting as a way of expressing herself.
Despite surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy, Jo’s condition deteriorated on Valentine’s Day 2006, losing her speech and most movement.
Chris took sick leave to care for her at home and said he would not have been able to cope without a whole host of medical professionals, including Mary Lem, one of Weldmar’s community specialist nurses.
Help also came from Jill Cooley, Weldmar’s child support worker, who worked with Harvey.
Just before Jo lost her speech, she convinced two of her best friends to do a sponsored walk in her name for Weldmar – the Jo-Rassic Challenge.
Her friends Jo Richards and Sarah Breaks walked 50 miles in two days and raised more than £11,000 for Weldmar.
Jo died on June 6 2007, aged 33, three days after the walk and four years exactly since diagnosis.
Chris said Jo’s funeral was the ‘oddest day ever’ and ‘very surreal.’ It was made worse by the fact that Harvey was suffering from the ‘most extreme case of Chicken Pox’ Chris had ever seen.
In honour of Jo’s love for Trimar, her horse-drawn carriage stopped outside the day hospice for a few minutes.
At the funeral Jo’s family and friends were shown the video Jo had made with Catherine Batten of Rosetta Life, which included her favourite flute music.
Chris said: “Harvey and I have worked through a lot of ‘firsts’ together.
“We come through the first wedding anniversary without Jo, Jo's birthday, and our first Christmas.
“The one constant in life is change. You may not like it all the changes, but you can't stop them.
“Harvey’s in an excellent school, Radipole Primary, he’s got a childminder he’s really bonded with and we’ve got friends who help during the holiday time and keep us company at weekends.
“Harvey’s grandma and aunty are still in Dorset and help as much as they can.”
Chris also found support and friendship through the Widowed and Young (WAY) Foundation.
In October last year, he got a job as web manager for Weldmar and is now working for the organisation that has done so much for his family.
Chris said: "I am not a great believer in fate, but I think that it was meant to be - doing a job that I enjoy, for an organisation that I have a great deal of respect for."
He added: “You are the person you are because of the people you know and your experiences in life.
“You can’t change the past, you can’t change what’s happened. You just need to keep breathing and live your life.”
THE Show Them You Care campaign has raised £4,273.20 since the appeal was launched on February 28 but there is a long way to go to hit the £60,000 target needed to pay for a community nurse for a year.
All the money will be used to fund a nurse for a year and pay for all of their support and expenses.
Crucially, it would mean even more patients and their families receiving all the support they need, when they need it most.
Donate by visiting webpage www.justgiving.com/weldmarnurse Send cheques payable to ‘The Weldmar Hospicecare Trust’ to the Dorset Echo offices at Fleet House, Hampshire Road, Weymouth, DT4 9XD We would also like to hear your stories of how Weldmar has helped you.
Call Laura Kitching on 01305 830984.
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