Swash is my favourite! (From Thisisdorset)

Swash is my favourite!

5:36pm Monday 17th November 2008

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As I said in my column last Friday, all social dates are off as I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! (or make that Pout Of Here, if you’re page 3’s Nicola) has swung screaming into our homes.

I know it’s a pile of purile nonsense, but at a time when you need a strong sedative just to turn on the news, it’s a welcome bit of nonsense.

And oh my, doesn’t the final line-up of glittering stars hold a dew treats?

Local lass, Esther (well, she’s got a cottage in Bramshaw in the New Forest that she spends the odd weekend in, so we are claiming her as our own, just don’t expect to see her down the Holdenhurst Road Gala Bingo or the Turbary Park Lidl any time soon), flounced in to the hotel ‘arrivals’ lounge like some mad parrot in a hat and clicked her alarmingly white teeth a lot in what I think was her smiling.

Seems nice, but I hope a heart of steel beats under that matronly bosom.

And speaking of bizarrely-hued dentistry, Kilroy-Silk oozed in with his trademark death rictus grin and radio-active tan/teeth combo. He is even more smarmy than I remember.

But he is already annoying people and bitching about the girls, so he scores points.

Could have staying power.

Little Joe Swash with the body of a child and the face of an nonegenarian, just the name makes you like him.

The new Dean Gaffney and in my eyes already the winner.

The gay ex-policeman, the gay tennis star and the gay space explorer sounds like my idea of the perfect line-up for an all-new Village People, but is actually the core of Camp Camp as Swashy christened his team-mates.

Martina is too nice to last long. PC Pipkin or whatever he is called seems bland, but it’s early days, so it’s Mr Sulu who we look to for downright bonkerdom. And, I think from his antics so far, that will be affirmative Captain!

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