Harry’s king of the Hill (From Thisisdorset)

Harry’s king of the Hill

4:00pm Friday 21st December 2007 in

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HARRY Hill says, not a little excitedly: "We're up against our arch-rival, EastEnders," as he announces the fact his festive edition of TV Burp will be sandwiched between Coronation Street and Emmerdale at 8pm on Christmas Day.

"It's like David versus Goliath - we're just the little guy with the sling."

However he fares in the ratings, it's a prestigious slot for the comedy show which is now in its seventh series and has been catapulted all over the schedule. And further proof that the 43-year-old funnyman is now one of Britain's most beloved comics, someone with the ability to unite all factions of the telly-watching public.

More importantly, for fans of Harry, it's a chance once again to dip into his bizarre mind as he guides us through the Christmas TV minefield.

"EastEnders is running the same story as a few years ago when Arthur nicked the Christmas Club money," he laughs.

"Normally what happens in EastEnders is someone says: It's going to be the best Christmas ever' and then gets slapped round the face and ends up in tears. In Emmerdale, something explodes, normally The Woolpack. And with Corrie, there's normally some sort of misunderstanding. This year it's a misunderstanding about knickers."

Though he is not averse to sending them up, it's clear Harry mostly enjoys the process of watching the shows (and he insists he does watch everything he talks about), though he admits it does have its struggles.

"At the moment, I've come to it fresh - I've had the summer off," he says." But if you ask me again in April when the series finishes, I might have a different answer. I tend to watch TV for three months, all day, every day and then when the series finishes I don't watch anything for the same period of time as I'm coming down off it. I have to wean myself back on to TV."

While the winner has already been announced, The X Factor will be getting its dues on the show, particularly since it is one of Harry's favourite programmes and the contestants a great source of interest.

"As long as there's panto, there'll be Same Difference," he grins. "And I'm going to start flogging Rhydian wigs, that's the thing to get into."

But luckily, in the wake of this year's phone-in scandal, he won't have to conjure up some sort of big money competition starring Stouffer The Cat.

"That's the thing with ITV, it's get them voting on the phones," he explains. "It's crucial, because Christmas is a very expensive time, not just for people, but for TV companies so they need to get money coming in.

"We will point out that the phones are now closed for I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here," he adds. "If anyone does phone in, they will be charged and it could result in Ant and Dec getting a bigger house."

Surely Harry's been asked to go on I'm A Celebrity?

"I live in Battersea. London, where we have a big park," he laughs. "It's handier! I think my general rule is that I don't want to a show where the public might vote you off. I'm too sensitive and you can't hide the fact that you're not that nice a bloke.

"You can get away with it for half an hour a week on a scripted show, but every night, people are going to work it out. With those shows, you can't hide your true personality."

Who the real Harry Hill is remains a mystery of sorts. Dr Matthew Hall (his real name) is far removed from his on-stage character and mentions "the act, the Harry Hill thing" in the third person.

Yet he still occasionally slips into Harry's mindset, half-answering questions in that flight of fancy way he does so brilliantly on-stage. Perhaps it's best to imagine "telly Harry" as a kind of Worzel Gummidge head that he takes out of the cupboard and screws on when necessary.

Either way, he says he's not going to change. "I can only do this stuff," he says. "I always thought it was really mainstream, if it just got a chance to be seen by more people, it could be popular."

He was right. So popular in fact, that he's even met the Queen several times, although this year was a bit different as he released a quirky novel called The Further Adventures Of The Queen Mum, which sees the late royal sent back to Earth by God to do good deeds.

"I haven't been summoned to the Palace for a read-through," he reveals. "My main worry is that maybe she hasn't got a copy. I must admit, I didn't do the Royal Variety this year because I was worried she might throw a pie at me."

With his tome on the shelves and the research for the new series of TV Burp waiting until the New Year, Harry is looking forward, kind of, to Christmas.

"I look forward to it and dread it at the same time," he says of the holidays. "It's all the things that are great about life, food, drink and the family, but it's also full of the bad things in life like food, drink and the family!

"People say spare a thought for people who are alone at Christmas, I think you should be sparing a thought for people who aren't alone."

But does he have something specific on his gift wish-list?

"Really what I want is money!" he jokes, before adding: "I don't really want for anything. Our house is full of rubbish. I've got three stuffed dogs in my house and I've got a stuffed squirrel and about ten ukuleles..."

He takes a pause and finally the bulb goes off as to that dream pressie.

"I want one of those head and shoulders doll things where you can comb the hair. It's like a lady's head that you can brush. Because I don't get that sensation anymore, so it would be nice to just do that."

l Harry Hill's Christmas TV Burp is on ITV1 at 8pm on Christmas Day.